If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize