Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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