You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We got so high we made milksteak
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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