I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
