I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
