i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dick very happy bro
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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