wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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