I met the friendliest cop last night
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She even gives head with a lisp.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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