I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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