Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
