How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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