it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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