Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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