I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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