Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
