You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
