One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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