Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
