Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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