Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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