She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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