I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
