took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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