FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
