I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
