My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
