Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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