It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
