I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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