I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
where am i from again
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
