great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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