why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
