so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
