my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
