Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Last time i carry you out of a forest
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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