Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
