and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
