Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
