if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All the doctor said was why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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