oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
