White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
