do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
