how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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