I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
