A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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