Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
