ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
