Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
