Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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