my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
