I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
