oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
