You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
