Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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