I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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