Non-Jews are for practice
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
