best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
