I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
