I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
