So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
