i will never coherently bang her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
