My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
