I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dicks are not precious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
