Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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