He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
