she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My life is pants optional.
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