plz talk dirty to me
Where is the hickey?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
