apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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