Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
