he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
