Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
