i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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