Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
