It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
