last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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