i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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