I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
