just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
