I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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