I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
